Eros
by outcastfromgallifrey
Summary: A Ten x Rose one-shot inspired by part of the Greek myth of Eros and Psyche. "I close my eyes, then I drift away, into the magic night I softly say. A silent prayer, like dreamers do, then I fall asleep to dream my dreams of you"


The first time she notices him is the night after he regenerates. Well it's not the exact night afterwards, seeing as he was unconscious for that period. But it feels like the night after.

After he changed. New face, new voice, new clothes, new everything.

But still the Doctor.

—

"Goodnight, Doctor."

"Goodnight, Rose Tyler."

She's just gone back to the TARDIS, her home, and slips into bed. She tries to sleep—she's exhausted, the Sycorax invasion and all the new changes taking a toll on her—but her mind just wanders.

She keeps thinking about him, old him. He… died.

No, no he didn't. The Doctor was still alive, still here, with the same thoughts, memories.

But he's still different.

Her Doctor, with his big ears, sassy nature, and full of so many secrets. He's…

Gone.

—

She thinks she just imagines it first. Hearing her door open softly and then the feeling that someone was there.

Just thinks it's her nerves acting up.

She doesn't sleep well that night.

—

She decides she never wants to have someone in her mind ever again. It hurts and leaves her feeling lightheaded for hours.

The Doctor was concerned about her and kept asking if she needed to rest or a hug (she laughs at first when he says this, a serious look upon his face—"Hugs are great comforters, Rose, everyone feels better after a good hug, and I think you need one, or a few.") every so often until they go back to the TARDIS (where he _does _in fact hug her tightly).

They stay up for a while, reading in the library, until Rose's eyelids droop and she excuses herself to her room after a quick, "Night" to the Doctor.

"You get a good night's sleep, Rose."

When her head hits the pillow, she falls asleep instantly.

—

This new new Doctor isn't very new at all. He's different, for sure, but still him, she decides. Still loves bananas, still strives to find fun throughout the universe, still gets into loads of trouble, and still cares for her.

Like when there was a werewolf chasing them and Queen Victoria, the two of them still had the time of their lives.

And when they get back to the TARDIS, it feels like home again.

—

He gives her an extra large hug before she goes off to bed that night.

"Sleep well, Rose."

But this time, when she finally settles under her covers, she's sure that someone comes in her room. She can hear his footsteps across the floor, can tell he's trying to be quiet, but she can still hear him.

He sits on the edge of her bed and she pretends to be asleep. She doesn't know how long he stays.

—

He kisses her.

Properly kisses her.

They're in Rome, and the universe could end that day, and he's just come back from being turned stone, and now he's kissing her, his strong arms holding her to him, as he celebrates being alive.

She wishes the moment not to end.

—

They don't talk about what happened when they're back on the TARDIS.

—

"Night, Doctor. See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Rose Tyler."

(There's something different about the way he says her name this night.)

—

She knows he's there (he's always there at night now, she's sure of it). She doesn't open her eyes but she knows he's there.

He doesn't say anything (just like before). But it's different this time. He settles himself on top of the covers by her back, resting his head on the pillow beside her.

"Sweet dreams, my precious Rose."

His voice is barely above a whisper as he tentatively curls his arm around her waist. She can't help but smile.

—

He never told her he had other companions before (she should have known that, she couldn't be the only one, she wasn't that special).

"Does it matter?" he says.

"Yeah it does, if I'm just the latest in a long line," she returns.

"As opposed to what?"

(That hurts.)

"I thought you and me were… Well I obviously got it wrong. I've been to the year five-billion, right, but this—now this is really seeing the future. You just leave us behind… Is that what you're going to do to me?"

"No," his tone is serious. "Not to you."

(She wishes she could believe him.)

—

He comes again that night, just as Rose is falling asleep. It was way past the time he usually came in. Rose assumes he was making sure Mickey was sleeping ("Now don't roam about the TARDIS halls at night, Mickey." "Why not?" "Cos it's one of the rules for people who stay here."). Or maybe he thought about not coming at all… She wouldn't be surprised, what with all that happened.

"Sleep well, Rose Tyler."

He doesn't touch her this time.

—

He leaves her.

He promised he'd never leave, but he abandons her. Wasn't even thinking about her or Mickey, he just leaves. Leaves for another woman.

And when he comes back… he's looks heartbroken.

—

"Goodnight, Doctor."

He just nods in return.

—

He doesn't come that night.

(Rose cries herself to sleep.)

—

She meets her dad again. Except he's not her dad, he's the parallel version of her dad, in the parallel world where she doesn't exist.

He doesn't know her, and doesn't want her.

And then Mickey leaves (he doesn't want her either), and it's all just too much.

"I wanna go home… to see my mum."

"Okay."

"I…I need to tell her," she says, struggling not to cry again.

"I'll take you home, Rose."

—

She doesn't go back to the TARDIS that night. She falls asleep in her old bed, and it doesn't feel the same.

(She doesn't notice him come into her room, doesn't notice him sit on her bed beside her, doesn't hear him whisper he's sorry.)

—

She loves him still. He changed his face, his personality, his tastes, but she still loves him. Loves him so much.

And when he scoops her up in a spinning hug, burying his face in her shoulder as she does in his…

She's home.

—

He wakes her up that night, shaking her roughly.

"Rose? Rose, wake up. Look at me, _please._"

"Wha-? Doctor, what, what's wrong?"

He doesn't answer her as she sits up, just keeps his hands on her shoulders and looks her over. His eyes are haunted as he glances over her face, but they soften slowly as she stares at him.

"Doctor?"

He pulls her close, wrapping his arms around her, one hand in her hair and the other at her waist. She's surprised by this, but hugs him back until he pulls away.

"Sorry I woke you. I just… Sorry."

"It's okay," she smiles softly at him. "You can wake me anytime you want a hug."

(He smiles back at this.)

"I just wanted to make sure you were still alright. That you still had your…"

He runs his fingers down her cheek, lightly caressing her face. She leans into his touch.

"I'm okay, Doctor," she tells him, knowing what he's remembering.

He nods, but she can tell he's still not convinced.

"Do you wanna stay here tonight?"

(She doesn't know why she asks this, she knows he'll stay anyways.)

He starts to nod again, but then shakes his head.

"No, you need your sleep," he steps away, scratching the back of his neck and not looking at her. "I have to, er, fix something on the console. Goodnight, Rose."

He leaves her room without another word.

(He comes back later when he thinks she's sleeping and holds her closer than he ever has before.)

—

He's gone, he fell—he can't be alive.

No, he has to be. He's not dead… and even if he was, how could she leave him? The Beast said she would die soon anyways—

She's ready if it means she'll stay with him.

(They don't let her stay.)

—

"Now, first things first, have you got a Rose Tyler on board?"

(He's alive!)

"I'm here! It's me!" she calls to him joyfully through the ship's intercom. "Oh my god."

She can hardly contain the happiness bubbling through her. The Doctor's alive, they're being pulled away from the black hole, the Beast may still be out there, but they're _alive. _

(She can't hug him enough when she gets back to the TARDIS, and he has his arms around her so tightly it feels as if he'll never let her go.)

—

She has nightmares after that. Horrible, dark dreams that plague her each night. She can see the Beast, hear its bellowing laugh. She sees the Doctor fall, but he doesn't get back up. She's alone, darkness is everywhere, it surrounds her, engulfing all light in its path. She can hear the Doctor calling her name—

She wakes up screaming, tears cascading down her face.

But he's there, he's always there, and he holds her close, rubbing her gently as he tries to calm her down.

"It's alright, Rose, you're alright," he murmurs softly. "Everything's going to be okay."

She clings to him, buries her head in his shirt. _Please don't ever leave._

"I'm here, Rose. I'm right here. I'm not going to leave."

(She eventually falls asleep in his arms, but he's never there in the morning.)

—

Her nightmares come less frequently now. Most nights she sleeps well, but when she does have one, he's always there.

He's always there. Every night, no matter what happens.

She tries to stay awake as long as she can, but when he has his arm nestled around her stomach, his face in her hair, his steady breathing and warmth of his body just lulls her to sleep.

—

They've been doing quite a lot of carefree traveling lately, and less saving the world traveling (well besides that one time with the Abzorbaloff on her present-day Earth, if that counts as saving the world).

It's nice. Really nice.

He seems to want to show her everything, taking her to the corners of the universe, thousands of years through time, trying to show her every beautiful thing imaginable.

He takes her dancing on the ice world of Purhani, where the snow shines under the planet's three moons, sparkling in a dazzling display.

He shows her the end or the largest star in the universe, and they sit at the doorway of the TARDIS with their legs dangling over the side, sipping warm tea as they watch the star burn out, showering the heavens with hundreds of new bright lights—the birth of a new galaxy.

"Where would you like to go next, Rose Tyler?"

—

He never talks about it. Never talks about coming into her room each night. Never talks about holding her in his arms as he kisses her head, face, and neck.

He says so many things, but he never talks about them, never talks about where they're going.

And neither does she.

—

She has another nightmare. She doesn't scream this time, but simply wakes up shaking with tears threatening to fall.

The Doctor's lying beside her beneath the covers, eyes closed, but Rose isn't sure if he's asleep or not.

Tentatively she moves closer to him, resting her head on his chest and arm across his waist. He stirs at her touch and she just grips him tighter, squeezing her eyes shut so as to block out the images from her nightmare.

"Hey, hey, hey," his voice is barely above a whisper. "It's alright."

(He always knows what's wrong.)

His arms embrace her shoulders and he presses soft kisses to her crown. He's gotten more affectionate lately, always holding her hand, taking any excuse he can for a hug, and even small kisses to her cheek or forehead in sometimes.

And now as he gently rubs her back, nuzzling her hair with his nose and lips, she begins to feel herself slip back into ease. He makes her feel safe, cared for, loved.

She loves him, everything about him.

She moves her head so she can look at him. His soft brown eyes watch her as she examines his face. His strong jaw, sideburns, freckles that cover his cheeks, his pointed nose, the fringe of hair that falls on his forehead, his plump bottom lip, and his beautiful eyes—he's beautiful.

She kisses him.

Softly, not really thinking about it, she kisses him, and he doesn't pull away. He kisses her back.

They don't rush, just move their mouths across each other's languidly, enjoying the feeling. It's not like it's the first time they've kissed, but it's… different this time. (Not bad different or good different… just different.)

She's the one who pulls away. (Not because she wants to though, only because she needs to breathe.) He's smiling tenderly at her when she opens her eyes. He brings his hand up, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Hello," he grins.

"Hello," she giggles a bit as she smiles back. He responds by leaning in for another endearing kiss.

—

When she wakes up, he's gone and the sheets are cold, as if he was never there.

He acts like he normally does around her when she sees him again—Like there's nothing between them, nothing happened, and they're only friends.

(Doesn't he know how much that hurts?)

—

He comes in later than normal the next night, but crawls under the covers all the same. She ignores him, pretending to be asleep, as he wraps his arm around her waist, so that he's curled up behind her.

"Sleep well, my precious Rose."

He says this as he leans over her slightly to kiss her cheek. He gives her a few more kisses across the side of her face before he settles back down beside her.

She doesn't understand.

In the day he treats her as just a friend, but at night he… he loves her. She doesn't understand. Why? Why doesn't he act like this all the time? Why only at night?

She turns in his arms (much to his surprise) and snuggles into him, hiding her head in his collar and gripping his thin shirt in her hands.

"I thought you were asleep," he says as he wraps his arms around her. "You okay?"

She doesn't reply.

—

They continue on this way.

Every day they travel, see new things, save the world, and are the best of friends. Every night he comes to her bedroom quietly, holds her in his arms, whispers soft words into her ear, and they're something more.

They never go farther than kissing at night. Granted, some nights are more heated than others (he'll crawl on top of her with their mouths never separating, and she'll have her fingers twisted in his hair, while his hands fiddle with the hem of her shirt—sometimes he dares to rub his palms over her stomach and climb higher—but then he'll stop and pull away.)

But that's all it is. She doesn't confront him about the situation they're in, and he never brings it up.

It isn't until after the ordeal with the lonely Isolus that she finally says something.

—

"Doctor, where are we going?" she asks him quietly while he holds her in his arms. He pauses stroking the side of her face and furrows his brow.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"I mean," she looks away from him. "Where are we going with this, with us? What are we, Doctor?"

He doesn't respond. With a frustrated sigh, she turns onto her back, out of his embrace and stares up at the doomed ceiling.

"We never talk about this, and I… I need to."

"Okay," he answers after a few moments.

She turns back to look at him. He's propped up on his elbow so that he's looking down at her, his expression unreadable.

He reaches for her again, his hand on her cheek as he leans down to kiss her. She lets him, kissing him back firmly before changing their position so that he lies beneath her. They stay that way for a while, enjoying the feeling.

She pulls away eventually and nuzzles her head into his sternum.

"Why can't we be like this all the time?" She whispers, "Why only at night?"

He kisses her hair before murmuring, "Oh, Rose."

His hands run up her back, hugging her close to him and she looks up into his soft, ancient eyes. He looks… sad.

"Rose… I care about you, more than anything, and I… I want this, I really do, I want to be with you always and…" He places a hand to her cheek, but his gaze drifts away and he closes his eyes. "But I—I'm not ready—no, I mean, I am. I just…" He takes a deep breath before starting again, "You know what I am, Rose. I don't age, and don't die—I regenerate. I become a new man, with new thoughts and new feelings…"

(He still won't look at her.)

"I, wanted to be with you, but I didn't want to get attached…I thought—I thought if I could just be with you and tell you how I felt at nights, it would be easier. That you wouldn't know, or it'd be a dream for you… so you wouldn't think of me as any more than a friend… I thought it would be easier for me to let you go…"

"I don't want to go," she says firmly.

He meets her gaze this time.

"I don't ever want to leave you, Doctor. I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm not gonna leave. No matter what happens."

She takes his hand off her cheek kisses his knuckles, "I promise. We can work this out, Doctor. We're always okay, you and I. Right?"

"Yeah," he smiles. "We're always alright."

"We can take it slow. I'll wait for you, for how long it takes until you're ready."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

His grin widens at his and he hugs her closer to him. She returns his smile and leans in to seal their lips together.

—

"How long are you going to stay with me?" he asks one day.

"Forever," she promises.

(She doesn't know the universe has other plans.)

—

She thought it would never end. Thought she'd stay with him forever. The Doctor and Rose Tyler, in the TARDIS just as it should be.

She thought they would be together forever.

But then came the army of ghosts. Then came Torchwood and the war.

And that's when it all ended.

—

She's going to die. She can't hold on any longer. She screams as her hands slip and she's pulled toward the void—

She'a going to die.

He's screaming her name, and she can hear the pain in his voice. But he can't help her.

She doesn't want to leave him.

(She wishes two things, but only one comes true. She doesn't die, but she can't stay with him anymore. She doesn't get a choice.)

("Take me back!")

—

This isn't her home. She's with her mum, and Pete, and Mickey, but it isn't her home. She wants to go back to the TARDIS. That's her home. Back in the TARDIS with the Doctor.

She wants him to be lying beside her, his arm around her waist, and his steady breathing coaxing her to sleep.

But he's not there. She's alone in her new bed and all she has is the memory.

She doesn't sleep that night, and stays awake crying for him.

—

Three months go by before she hears him (it's just his voice, a whisper). She thinks it's a dream at first—it couldn't be him.

But the voice keeps coming, louder and more urgent.

"_Rose._"

And then she's standing on the beach ('Bad Wolf Bay' it translates to—this parallel universe has a sense of humor just like her old one.) waiting for him.

She'll wait for him, for as long as it takes.

—

"I…I love you," she finally tells him. It's the last time she'll see him, and she needs him to know (even if he already knows, she's sure of it).

"Quite right, too," his voice cracks slightly.

He smiles and she tries to as well, even with the tears streaming down her face.

"And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it," he pauses, just for a second before continuing. "Rose Tyler—"

He never finishes that sentence.

—

She searches for him, everyday across hundreds of universes, for four whole years. And then she finds him, and it feels like universe is complete again. But it can't be perfect can it.

He leaves again, and she's trapped in her own parallel world. There's a change though—she's not alone anymore.

He's… He's here with her, him, but not him, another him. A copy? No, he's the Doctor. Still him… right? She doesn't know.

He told her he loves her. Whispered it in her ear and she thought… She kissed him then, just to see—it felt the same as it did all those years ago.

But now, as the TARDIS fades away, he comes up to her and takes her hand (her own fits perfectly in his, just like it did before), and it just seems unreal.

She doesn't know anymore.

—

She takes him back to her flat (it would be kind of dumb to have him stay with her Mum and Pete) and tells him where the extra room is, if he wants to sleep, and he nods and that's it.

"Well, goodnight," she breaks the awkward silence that had developed between them.

"Goodnight, Rose Tyler," he gives him a small smile which she doesn't return.

(She couldn't call him Doctor.)

She tries to sleep, but can't stop thinking about the events that happened that day. He's gone, he's not coming back… but he's still here, just across a hallway from her. It's all so confusing.

She stays awake for hours lying in her bed and simply thinking. She's exhausted, but can't fall asleep. And that's when her door opens.

She doesn't move, just listens, as she hears someone walk up to her. The bed sheets ruffle, and the mattress dips, and then she feels him press a kiss to her cheek.

"Sleep well, Rose," his voice is below a whisper.

He's there, he's going to stay with her, he came back—and he's there.

She still loves him.

She turns over so that she's facing him and sees the surprise on his face. She stares at him, eyes roaming his face until the meet his own. Soft, ancient eyes, that look just a bit nervous.

"You really are still you," she meant to pose the sentence as a question, but didn't get the words out right.

"I'm still me," he replies quietly.

He smirks, that crooked closed smile he does just for her, and reaches his hand out cautiously. His fingers trace her cheek softly and she smiles.

"I missed you," he whispers. "So, so much."

"I missed you too," she murmurs.

(He moves nearer to her.)

"Can," he pauses and then starts again. "Can I kiss you?"

She responds by closing the distance between them. His arms wrap around her, pulling her closer, and she can feel him smile against her mouth. (They stay like that for a long time.)

Later, she's lying in his arms with him nuzzling her head softly, whispering promises and endearments, and she knows he'll never leave again and they'll always be together. She closes her eyes, welcoming sleep.

"Goodnight, Doctor."

"Goodnight, my precious Rose."


End file.
